Writing to Age Gracefully

December 7, 2025

Recently, I’ve been doing some reading on the field of narrative gerontology. Yes, telling the stories of our lives as we age is a whole field! And, it’s a fascinating one.

At our core, humans are storytellers. We tell stories to make sense of our lives—even if we don’t realize that’s what we’re doing. As we get older, our stories  connect us to both our past and our future, and that connection is the “magic” ingredient giving meaning to our lives. Research study upon research study has confirmed that humans are social creatures; when we isolate, we suffer, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Perhaps the worst isolation is when we isolate ourselves from some part of ourselves. If we aren’t willing to reflect and consider certain events in our lives or where we’ve gone wrong, we wall ourselves off from a part of ourselves. Those things don’t just disappear if we avoid them; they are still very much part of our makeup. Isolating ourselves from some part of ourselves creates a feeling that we are somehow less than, not whole. 

Research demonstrates that as we age, it is imperative to take time to make sense of our story. To quote researchers Randall and Kenyon in Bruce Feiler’s newsletter, “growing older, versus merely getting older, may hinge on, among other things, our discovery and creation of a coherent life narrative.”[1] It takes courage to consider our part in what has occurred in our lives, but according to memoirist Abigail Thomas, “The more vulnerable you are, the stronger you become.”[2]

People who merely “get older” seem stuck, closed off. They aren’t fun to spend time with. Randall and Kenyon found that these people are not only a bit of a wet blanket, they also don’t age well. Those who grow older, on the other hand, are, well, growing. They continue to develop their minds, their skills, and their connections to themselves and to others.

The only person with us from birth to death is ourselves, so our most important relationship is the one with ourselves. When that relationship is good, our other connections naturally flourish. For our relationship to ourselves to be whole, we have to understand our story, the good, the bad, and the ugly—the whole shebang.

James Birren, the founder of the field of gerontology, recognized the healing power story has for older adults.  He developed the Guided Autobiography (GAB) program (the foundation for Guided Memoir Writing) because it was helpful for people to have a structured way to think about their life stories. As Birren saw it, telling our stories is “therapeutic but not therapy”. Reflection heals in ways we may not have even known we needed. It gives us the space and the desire to keep growing, and both foster surprising connections that enrich our lives. Growth and connections help us stay young in spirit.

[1] Bruce Feiler, “Research Confirms Your Life Flashes Before Your Eyes When You Die,” The Nonlinear Life, Substack, October 12, 2023, https://brucefeiler.substack.com/p/new-research-confirms-your-life-flashes

[2] Abigail Thomas, “Vulnerability is Strength,” Brevity: A Journal of Concise Nonfiction, September 13, 2021, https://brevitymag.com/craft-essays/vulnerability-is-strength/